Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FUCK WHALES
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
soo... how was my night?
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