ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
