Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
