hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
