I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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