Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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