Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
