a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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