I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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