I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
