Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
