And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
