i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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