Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
