I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
