I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
