yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
