highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
