Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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