he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
