why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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