Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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