is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
