The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just gift wrapped bread.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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