Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
