I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
