I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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