farters have to be the big spoon...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
