Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
