I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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