I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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