did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
