You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
