Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
