Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
