I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
