just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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