3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
