Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
