when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
