Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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