her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
