chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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