The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
