I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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