I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't make out with my wife yet
Non-Jews are for practice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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