I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
