This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
