I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
