There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
