Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
