I could make wine with my vomit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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