i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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