i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
